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QBQ! The Question Behind the Question: Practicing Personal Accountability in Work and in Life Audio CD – Unabridged, September 9, 2004
This is a quick but deep book that explores the role of personal accountability in one's work and personal life. In his own work experience, Miller found that many people look for others to blame their problems and conflicts on. He proposes that instead of asking who is to blame for the situation, we should ask, "What can I do to improve the situation?" Only by being able to ask this "question behind the question" can we take ownership of the problem and start working toward a solution...
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherPenguin Audio
- Publication dateSeptember 9, 2004
- Reading age14 years and up
- Dimensions4.94 x 5.66 x 0.39 inches
- ISBN-10014305709X
- ISBN-13978-0143057093
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About the Author
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
It was a beautiful day when I stopped into a Rock Bottom Restaurant for a quick lunch. The place was jammed. I didn’t have much time, so I was happy to grab the one stool they had available at the bar. A few minutes after I sat down, a young man carrying a tray full of dirty dishes hurried by on his way to the kitchen. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed me, stopped, came back, and said, “Sir, have you been helped?”
“No, I haven’t,” I said. “And I’m in a bit of a hurry. But all I really want is a salad and maybe a couple of rolls.”
“I can get you that, sir. What would you like to drink?”
“I’ll have a Diet Coke, please.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, sir, we have Pepsi products. Would that be all right?”
“Ah, no thanks,” I said with a smile. “I’ll just have water with lemon, please.”
“Great, I’ll be back.” He disappeared.
Moments later he returned with the salad, the rolls, and the water. I thanked him, and he was quickly gone again, leaving me to enjoy my meal, a satisfied customer. Suddenly, there was a blur of activity off to my left, the “wind of enthusiasm” blew behind me, and then, over my right shoulder stretched the “long arm of service” delivering a twenty-ounce bottle, frosty on the outside, cold on the inside, of—you guessed it—Diet Coke!
“Wow!” I said. “Thank you!”
“You’re welcome,” he said with a smile, and hurried off again.
My first thought was Hire this man! Talk about going the extra mile! He was clearly not your average employee. And the more I thought about the outstanding thing he’d just done, the more I wanted to talk to him. So as soon as I could get his attention, I waved him over.
“Excuse me, I thought you didn’t sell Coke,” I said.
“That’s right, sir, we don’t.”
“Well, where did this come from?”
“The grocery store around the corner.” I was taken aback.
“Who paid for it?” I asked.
“I did, sir; just a dollar.”
By then I was thinking profound and professional thoughts like Cool! But what I said was, “Come on, you’ve been awfully busy. How did you have time to go get it?” Smiling and seemingly growing taller before my eyes, he said, “I didn’t, sir. I sent my manager!”
I couldn’t believe it. Was that an act of empowerment or what? I’ll bet we can all think of times we would love to look at our “boss” and say, “Get me a Diet Coke!” What a great image. But beyond that, his actions paint a marvelous picture of personal accountability and the Question Behind the Question. We’ll go into the specifics of the QBQ in the chapters to come, but for now let’s take a look at my server’s thinking and the choices he made.
It was the lunch rush. Carrying a full tray, he was already busy, with plenty to do. But instead of using these facts as reasons—or excuses—to continue on to the kitchen, he noticed a customer who, though not in his section, looked like he needed some attention, so he decided to do what he could to help. I don’t know what was in his mind at that moment, of course, but faced with a similar situation, many people would have asked questions like these:
· “Why do I have to do everything around here?”
· “Who’s supposed to be covering this area, anyway?”
· “When is management going to provide us with more products?”
· “Why are we always so short-staffed?”
· “When are the customers going to learn to read the menu?”
It’s understandable that someone would feel and think that way, especially when frustrated, but the truth is that these are lousy questions. They’re negative and they don’t solve any problems. Throughout the rest of the book we’ll refer to questions like these as Incorrect Questions, or IQs, since nothing positive or productive comes from asking them. They’re also the complete opposite of personal accountability, because in each one the implication is that someone or something else is responsible for the problem or situation.
Unfortunately, though, they’re often the first thoughts that come to mind. It’s a sad fact that when most of us are faced with a frustration or challenge of some kind, our initial reaction tends to be negative and defensive, and the first questions that occur to us are IQs.
The good news is this: That moment of frustration also presents us with a tremendous opportunity to contribute, and the QBQ can help us take advantage of it. The moment the IQs pop into our heads, we have a choice. We can either accept them—Yeah, when are we going to get more help around here?!—or reject them, choosing instead to ask better, more accountable questions such as “What can I do to make a difference?” and “How can I support the team?” The definition of the QBQ:
A tool that enables individuals to practice personal accountability by making better choices in the moment.
And we accomplish this by asking better questions of ourselves.
That’s exactly what my server did. By disciplining his thoughts, he didn’t ask IQs and get caught in the downside of the situation.
Instead, whether he used the words or not, his actions clearly indicated accountable thinking such as What can I do to help out? and How can I provide more value? His choices made the difference.
As I left that day, I gave him a good tip, as anyone would have, bouncing my quarters across the bar. (Just kidding. It was the excellent tip he had earned.) And when I returned a couple of months later and asked for “my favorite server, Jacob Miller” (I love his last name), the hostess said, “I’m sorry, sir, Jacob is no longer . . .”
My thoughts flew fast. NO! You lost my favorite server? You lost a guy who looked at me and asked himself, “What can I do right now to serve my customer?” I just couldn’t believe they had let him get away.
But I didn’t say any of that to her. I simply interrupted with, “Don’t tell me you lost him?!” to which she brightly responded, “Oh no, sir, we didn’t lose him, he was promoted to management.”
My first thought was Management, what a waste! (Go ahead, smile—even if you’re a manager.)
The truth is, I wasn’t at all surprised that Jacob, with the way he thought, would be so quickly on his way up “the ladder of success.” That’s the difference personal accountability can make. Everyone wins: customers, coworkers, the organization—everyone. And for Jacob, beyond the tips and the promotion, I can’t help but think the greatest win of all is the way he must feel about himself at the end of a day of asking better questions, making better choices, and practicing personal accountability.
QBQ! THE QUESTION BEHIND THE QUESTION
Now let’s talk about the tool that brings personal accountability to life: the QBQ.
The Question Behind the Question is built on the observation that our first reactions are often negative, bringing to mind Incorrect Questions (IQs). But if in each moment of decision we can instead discipline ourselves to look behind those initial Incorrect Questions and ask ourselves better ones (QBQs), the questions themselves will lead us to better results.
One of the guiding principles of the QBQ is “The answers are in the questions,” which speaks to the same truth: If we ask ourselves a better question, we get a better answer. So the QBQ is about asking better questions. But how can we tell a good question from a bad one? What does a “better” question sound like?
This book will help each of us learn to recognize and ask better questions. And just to be clear, QBQs are questions we generally ask ourselves, not others. They are rarely questions we speak out loud to colleagues, customers, family, and friends—but rather ones we think in our own mind.
Here are the three simple guidelines for creating a QBQ:
1. Begin with “What” or “How” (not “Why,” “When,” or “Who”).
2. Contain an “I” (not “they,” “we,” or “you”).
3. Focus on action.
“What can I do?” for example, follows the guidelines perfectly. It begins with “What,” contains an “I,” and focuses on action: “What can I do?” Simple, as I said. But don’t let its simplicity fool you. Like a jewel, the QBQ is made up of many facets. In the following chapters, we’ll explore these facets and see the powerful effect asking QBQs can have on our lives.
DON’T ASK “WHY?”
Ever heard these questions?
· “Why don’t others work harder?”
· “Why is this happening to me?”
· “Why do they make it so difficult for me to do my job?”
· “Why don’t I ever get a break?”
· “Why don’t people care as much as I do?”
Say them aloud. How do they make you feel? When I say them, I feel powerless, like a victim. The message of questions with a “Why me?” tone to them is I’m a victim of the environment and the people around me. Not a very productive thought, is it? But we ask “Why me?” questions all the time. (Quick point: If you’ve been trained on the “Five Whys” of problem solving or selling, that’s not what we’re talking about here. Those are useful and appropriate. What we’re referring to are questions that begin with “Why” and have the “poor me” tone that leads straight to the classic pity party.)
Anyone can fall into the “Why?” trap. I asked a department manager once how many people worked for him, and he said, “About half!” It’s a funny response, but he was undoubtedly the kind of manager who would also ask the IQs “Why can’t I find good people?” “Why doesn’t the younger generation really want to work?” and “Why don’t I get more support from upper management?”
That’s all victim thinking, and there’s too much of it in the world already.
I was on a long flight, sitting next to a man in his mid-fifties. We introduced ourselves and started a friendly conversation along the lines of “Where are you heading?” and “What do you do?” It turns out he owns a second home near Aspen and was just returning from a twenty-one-day ski vacation. Wow! I thought. Twenty-one days in Aspen. This man has some discretionary income! He went on to say that he lives in New York City and works on Wall Street. Guess what he does? He’s not a broker. He’s a personal injury attorney.
When he asked me what I do, I opted for the quick, easy answer, “Author, speaker.” “Oh, really?” he said. “What do you speak about?” I considered this for a moment and thought, Why not? So I said what I always say, “Personal accountability,” wondering if he’d see the irony—and the humor. It took a couple of moments. We stared at each other. He fidgeted a bit. Finally, just to be clear, I added, “What I really do is help people—including myself—eliminate victim thinking from their lives.” He must have understood me then because that was the end of the conversation. We never spoke again!
I have nothing against him personally or his profession. He’s simply providing what’s demanded by a culture that continually asks, “Why is this happening to me?” But even as we shake our heads about the ills of society, let’s not forget that society is made up of individuals. You and me. The best thing we can do to get rid of victim thinking in our world is to get rid of it in ourselves.
The first QBQ guideline says all QBQs begin with “What” or “How,” not “Why,” “When,” or “Who.” Take another look at the “Why?” questions at the beginning of the chapter and consider what would happen if we asked these instead:
· “How can I do my job better today?”
· “What can I do to improve the situation?”
· “How can I support others?”
From AudioFile
Product details
- Publisher : Penguin Audio; Unabridged edition (September 9, 2004)
- Language : English
- ISBN-10 : 014305709X
- ISBN-13 : 978-0143057093
- Reading age : 14 years and up
- Item Weight : 3.21 ounces
- Dimensions : 4.94 x 5.66 x 0.39 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #503,685 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #814 in Books on CD
- #2,047 in Stress Management Self-Help
- #4,621 in Christian Self Help
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
FOLLOW JOHN G. MILLER ON TWITTER: @QBQGUY Facebook: theQBQ LinkedIN: JohnMillerQBQ InstaGram: QBQJohn
Hello, QBQ! followers and believers in PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY. Contact me here: John@QBQ.com! And please visit QBQ.com!
OUR NEWEST PRODUCT IS THIS: "The QBQ! Workbook"—the perfect tool for making the QBQ! message personal. Designed to bring QBQ! and its message of PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY to life for individuals, couples, teams, and small groups, this practical and powerful tool is now available to order right here on Amazon!
Big news!
My wife, Karen, and I wrote "Raising Accountable Kids ... Be an Outstanding Parent Using the Power of Personal Accountability." Good, practical stuff. Just think what can happen when we eliminate Blame, Victim Thinking, and Procrastination from our families! Buy it here at Amazon. Or learn more at QBQ.com/parenting.
My newest organizational book is titled "Outstanding! 47 Ways to Make Your Organization Exceptional"! Find it here on Amazon or at QBQ.com/books.
Personal Bio:
Raised in Ithaca, NY. Dad was Cornell U. wrestling coach for 26 years and a Christian pastor for 40. Mom was a homemaker. I am a Cornell University grad, 1980. Five years with Cargill as a commodity/grain trader.
Started in the training business selling leadership and sales management training in 1986.
Have lived in UpState NY, MN, MT, MO, MN again, and now CO. Moved to Denver in 1997 after 12 years in Minneapolis. Why? THE WEATHER!
Karen and I have been married since 1980 and have 6 daughters, one son, and lots of grandchildren.
I keynote meetings/conferences on "Personal Accountability and the QBQ!" Visit this page for my speaker demo: QBQ.com/John
I answer every email I get, so shoot me one at John@QBQ.com. And remember, ask QBQs!
Customer reviews
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Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find the book easy to read and short. It provides them with great insight into personal responsibility and how to make positive changes. The message is powerful and effective, teaching principles behind asking the right questions. They appreciate the simple yet clear approach and the process for asking themselves questions. The book is described as a useful tool that brings learning and growth. Many customers consider it worth picking up and a brilliant little book.
AI-generated from the text of customer reviews
Customers find the book easy to read and quick. They say it's simple and entertaining, with no clichés or catchphrases. The book is described as a lightweight, fast-paced read that doesn't waste their time.
"...3. Super-fast readability This is a 115-page book that reads even faster than that...." Read more
"...It is a quick read, under an hour and it is enjoyable. John has a sense of humor and includes it in is writing...." Read more
"...It’s a quick read, worth picking up. As he suggests, I’m going to read it again." Read more
"...Such a simple read, such a simple concept, but the impact is bigger than I could have ever imagined." Read more
Customers find the book provides insights into personal accountability and how to make positive changes. It offers a simple yet profound message of personal responsibility and no more victim thinking. The common sense concepts are presented in a straightforward way with anecdotal stories that help readers identify with those behaviors. The real-life examples illustrate the principles clearly, making them easier to understand. The book helps change one's mindset and is described as an enlightening read that has helped them both professionally and personally.
"...It's a short, easy, fun, enlightening read. Every 6th grader and every high school senior should be required to read it. Twice...." Read more
"...because of John's ability to put the message forward in a clear, no nonsense manner...." Read more
"...their own problems (well, most of the time) but they own their choices and consequences...." Read more
"...For intuitive/experienced persons, this is eye-rolling, but an interesting analysis." Read more
Customers find the book's message powerful and simple. It teaches the principles behind asking the right questions, which leads to learning and growth. They say it can help you make better choices and become more successful in life. The book uses questions effectively to stimulate deep thinking that can change your life for the better.
"...in our way in the technical sense - but he is delivering the message in a practical way...." Read more
"...can change your life for the better - IF you put it to work." Read more
"...And it has served us a a great parenting tool. School..." Read more
"...and ownership for their actions through the simple yet highly effective use of questions to stimulate deep thinking that often results in..." Read more
Customers appreciate the book's simplicity. They find the principles and process for asking questions clear and easy to understand. The straightforward writing conveys the message clearly.
"...It really is that simple. But because the concept is so clear, the majority of the book gives examples of how we can rephrase our words and thinking..." Read more
"...within minutes of grasping the understanding and the understanding only takes seconds because of John's ability to put the message forward in a clear..." Read more
"...QBQ has gotten me to be even more positive, to be a problem-solver, and to be more of a forward-thinker...." Read more
"...The QBQ is simple. The beauty of the QBQ is in its simplicity...." Read more
Customers find the book's message clear and useful. They say it's a simple yet powerful way to apply principles in a practical way. The book provides inspiring stories and practical applications, making it a phenomenal and short read. It validates several principles that customers operate by and offers great information, tips, and ways to grow.
"...Twice. Maybe again in college. QBQ is that good a concept." Read more
"...said, the book is a quick read, full of memorable stories and practical application...." Read more
"For those who appreciate “how to” books, this works as a decent tool...." Read more
"...As far as I am concerned, the QBQ is a classic that should be on every bookshelf in America. I hope this review helps...." Read more
Customers find the book a quick read and valuable. They say it's worth picking up, simple, and teaches great lessons. The book is described as a brilliant little tool that will last for more than a lifetime.
"...It’s a quick read, worth picking up. As he suggests, I’m going to read it again." Read more
"...I'd give it 4 out of 5 stars. It had a few really good nuggets that I hope to continue to brew about...." Read more
"Not the greatest book. Some parts contradict themselves." Read more
"Great value!" Read more
Customers appreciate the book's short chapters and how it packs a lot of content into few pages. They find the stories simple and well-written, with examples and illustrations. The author does a good job of incorporating stories into the Q&A format.
"...It should be read by everyone in America, in my opinion. It's a short, easy, fun, enlightening read...." Read more
"This book was short and to the point. I'd give it 4 out of 5 stars. It had a few really good nuggets that I hope to continue to brew about...." Read more
"...Miller does a fantastic job of incorporating "story" into QBQ; stories are great because they illustrate TRUTH through real life examples, making..." Read more
"...Mr. Miller's other books are great, too. The book is short and sweet written in vignette style, but will leave you wondering if maybe you have..." Read more
Customers enjoy the book's storytelling. They find it engaging, with relatable stories that reinforce the author's points. The book is described as inspiring and easy to read, keeping readers hooked throughout. Readers appreciate the author's lighthearted approach, making personal transformation enjoyable.
"...'s writing all the time because it works and it makes the hard work of personal transformation fun! Thank you John G. Miller!..." Read more
"...Like many others have said, the book is a quick read, full of memorable stories and practical application...." Read more
"...So many stories simply make me smile...." Read more
"...This simple book speaks to those realities with humorous, anecdotal stories that help the reader identify with those behaviors and provide a..." Read more
Reviews with images
Damaged but great read
Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on February 28, 2011What a great book!
I purchased it on Amazon 2/22/11 and finished it today 2/27/11 which is probably an all-time record for me as books I buy usually take months, if not years, to percolate to the top of my to-read list. This one, however, I seemed to keep getting prompts about in my other reading, Amazon searches, and of course regular mentions from Dave Ramsey. I'm currently going through Financial Peace University with my wife and am doing some personal enrichment reading in that regard, including currently reading The Millionaire Next Door and listening to Thou Shall Prosper on audiobook. Hopefully that puts things into perspective.
Having read quite a few business-related books in the last few years, what sets QBQ apart?
1. An ultra-sharply clear concept.
2. Broad usage potential, both in professional and personal life.
3. Super-fast readability
This is a 115-page book that reads even faster than that. Most chapters are 1-4 pages long, and not particularly dense pages at that. Each chapter reads as a mini article covering a specific item all of which revolve around the QBQ concept.
What is that concept? It's simple: getting to questions in our lives that move us toward positive action. As opposed to all those questions most people use daily in their work and personal lives which attempt to avoid responsibility or place blame on others for the problem of the moment. It really is that simple. But because the concept is so clear, the majority of the book gives examples of how we can rephrase our words and thinking to become more effective at problem solving. More effective ourselves. Not by attempting to change others. Not by anything other than realizing that we simply can NOT change others, and asking questions about why others do or don't do what we want them to do are useless questions.
Too often in this country today people act the victim. "I couldn't do what I needed to do because that person didn't do their thing." "It's not my fault I burnt my tongue on that coffee, the cup wasn't clearly enough labeled 'HOT!'" You get the idea. So much of the genius in this country seems to be spent in figuring out how to avoid personal responsibility. At work. At home. At school. In parenting. For anything. Does anyone think this is a good thing? In any way?
To me, this book is a brief rebellion against that epidemic. It's something I'll make sure my kids read. It should be read by everyone in America, in my opinion. It's a short, easy, fun, enlightening read. Every 6th grader and every high school senior should be required to read it. Twice. Maybe again in college. QBQ is that good a concept.
- Reviewed in the United States on December 20, 2015I love it and here is what I love about it - about all of the work of John Miller - It makes sense! I can take his concepts into action within minutes of grasping the understanding and the understanding only takes seconds because of John's ability to put the message forward in a clear, no nonsense manner. Listen, most of what we need to be successful is just plain common sense. The problem is that it isn't common practice. And that is the key to why John's approach is different. He is not shoving human behavior theories in our way in the technical sense - but he is delivering the message in a practical way. In your busy life, isn't this just exactly what you are looking for? Do you really want to be tied down to hours of reading before application? Not me! I want the down and dirty, want to get myself moving in the right direction. I want someone to dust off the cobwebs on the things I know to be true, but have chosen not to act upon. His work around accountability is at the heart of success for leaders, whether you are the leader of an organization or a household. His ideas work in the board room and the bedroom. They work with your boss and with your kids. It is a quick read, under an hour and it is enjoyable. John has a sense of humor and includes it in is writing. Still have questions about your investment in ordering up this book right away? Check out his blog. He is the same John Miller in every aspect of his work. I tell you - you will not be disappointed! My business is all about working with people to achieve their highest potential and I utilize components of John's writing all the time because it works and it makes the hard work of personal transformation fun! Thank you John G. Miller! Keep them coming.
Mary Bylone
President, Leaders Within, LLC
mbylone@leaderswithin.com
- Reviewed in the United States on November 7, 2022As I started the book, it felt elementary, like “duh” we all need to own our stuff. But as it progressed I appreciated the framework and structure of the QBQ. That’s a big help to me when I face leadership situations in which I feel stuck. It’s a quick read, worth picking up. As he suggests, I’m going to read it again.
Top reviews from other countries
- N MehtaReviewed in the United Kingdom on September 27, 2024
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent book
This is an excellent book. It's talking about so many good stuff. I strongly recommend to read this book. Please get your copy today to read this book.
- Ashok.Reviewed in India on December 14, 2022
5.0 out of 5 stars Good One
I have seen this with my manager then I reviewed the content then immediately ordered, I recommend this book for all growing corporate leaders.
- Amazon CustomerReviewed in Canada on July 19, 2017
5.0 out of 5 stars very good condition
Got this for my daughter She said it looked like new. She was very happy to have it as she was using for a course
-
Denise RodriguezReviewed in Mexico on October 20, 2017
5.0 out of 5 stars Muy recomendable
Muy buena lectura para reflexionar nuestro comportamiento ante el entorno y la diversidad de situaciones que en el día a día se nos presentan
- RiccardoReviewed in Italy on July 18, 2017
5.0 out of 5 stars Qbq book
The delivery has been on time. The book has been well held. I'm satisfyed . Good service . I can suggest it.